Quit Claim

As of yesterday, my obligations to Noy are finished. I paid her off early so we could get our home loan processed. They couldn't give us a home equity loan as long as Noy still had a lean against the home. It was a bit of a hassle getting her to make it to her attorney's office to sign the Quit Claim but she finally did that for us yesterday. It's sort of odd but for the first time in over 20 years, I have no obligations to her. I know for certain that she would like to talk occasionally to see how I'm doing and what is new with my mom and siblings and I'd like to stay up with what's happening in Joe and David's life but I don't think that will happen. We need to go our own ways now and if fate has it we will meet again someday.

If Dave or Joe ever do make it back into town I hope they would give me a call and we could meet for lunch but I don't even see that happening. I don't think Joe and Dave are very interested in having much to do with me. I'd be surprised if Noy doesn't now move to California to be closer to her sons and grandkids. She has no family here—just some friends. Had it not been for the friends her life would be much different (in a good way) than it is today and I'm sure she knows that. It's been one of my continual prayers for her that God would bring good people into her life who would lead her in a more positive direction.

I wrote this while going through our divorce several years ago...

1-23-97

Emptiness owns my life tonight
But I'm focused on getting well
Do you know what it is to be afraid
To stop
To listen
To tell

When all I believed was important and true
Has left me broken and feeling used
My heart feels heavy
My head feels dizzy
I question what's right
I'm so confused

I try to be Strong
I try to be kind
I need my freedom
I need peace of mind

Where do I go
And when will I get there
I'm scared
It's my life
And I've lost all control

Will I be happy
I don't want to be angry
Will I find someone
To love and to hold

I'm trying not to worry
I have to keep myself busy
I'm trying to understand
What's important to me
I've spent time by myself
Too much time by myself
I'm much more lonely
Than I wanted to be

I hope Noy finds happiness
I hope she remembers
The good times
The better days
The love we once knew
I'm hurt
I'm not bitter
I'm sorry
I'm tired
I need to move on
It's what we both must do

I was going through my old writings and I found this written a couple days later...

1-25-97

I think too much
I don't sleep enough
I care too much
I never give up
I'm too organized
I need a close friend
I'm much too shy
I'm at my wits end
I could use some advice
I could use affirmation
I'd like a one way ticket
Not an explanation

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

David Crowder Concert, NWA188 and Photo Review

Image
I got up from laying down after the all-night shift Thursday morning and figured I'd better get a ride in while I could because the forecast wasn't looking so good. The temp was just above 40 with a northeast wind steady at 15 mph under overcast skies. 40 degrees is very reasonable cycling weather but the key is to be somewhat chilled when you start out. Being warm and toasty at the beginning leads to being sweaty, cold and clammy before the ride is over. While putting air in my tires before leaving I could tell that I needed a lighter top layer. I'm glad I made the switch. I loved the ride  ( Strava link ) and would like to have gone further but David Crowder was playing at our church and I didn't want to be late getting in line for some good seats as it was general admission. I considered a quick detour by Hosanna on the way home to get a pic of their tour bus but I figured I should really act my age. The concert was worth every penny and better than any of the o
Read more

Riding, Retirement and a Home Revisited

Image
I skipped out of work a couple hours early today to take advantage of some mild weather. I took the pups for a walk then headed west on my bike putting my heart, lungs, and quads through some paces. It felt so nice to be out there. I'd have stayed out longer but I had to be back to take Rachel to dance class for 5:00. It's possible that today will be the last time I'll have to take her to class if she passes her road test this Thursday. I'd like to have taken some time to hose down my bike. It's full of road salt and that can't be a good thing. Every large vehicle that went past me had a cloud of salt dust trailing in its wake and settling on me. I'll spend some time cleaning it tomorrow and have it ready for a ride on Wednesday after work. Speaking of work—I've been kicking around the idea of bidding on a staff job. Believe me, it's not something I want to do. It's about self-preservation. I want to work another five years to get Rachel thr
Read more

A Tragic Loss

Image
I received a phone call from my sister-in-law two weeks ago this morning. Tracee was sobbing heavily but I could make out that she had some terrible news to tell me. For a moment, I imagined that my brother Keith had passed away and she was letting me know. It wasn't that. Their grandson Madden had died the night before after a fall off his bike. I didn't press her for details and we soon ended the call. I was so stunned by what I'd just heard. Madden had just turned 13 and he meant the world to Keith and Tracee as well as to his mother and father and so many others who were part of his life. Madden's life cut so short is nothing less than a tragic loss. Here's a news report from one of our local stations. I didn't know Madden well but I was able to spend time on the golf course with him last summer and fall with Joe (his father) and Keith. He was an exceptional golfer for his age, that was clear, but he also had a talent for basketball and football.  I feel t
Read more